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The Crumbums of Eternity

Here’s the story of whoop-de-doo, moving, and a middle-aged man in pants.

I think most people would be rather shocked to see one of their neighbours standing in his driveway wearing nothing but a tiny pair of underpants, and you’d be right if you’ve never lived here. Well, I say he was standing in his driveway, he was actually standing in our driveway shouting at some workmen, really leaving very little to the imagination. About at this point, his teenage daughter wandered by with her friends. “Hi, dad…” she said, nonchalantly, before entering her house. So this is clearly not that unusual if that’s her reaction. It’s certainly not the first time I’ve seen him in his underwear. And there was that one time he came out wearing a dressing gown during a strong breeze, an image I’m really never gonna forget. I’m actually starting to wonder if it’s a family of nudists. One of his daughters regularly sunbathes topless on the front lawn during summer and is often seen wandering to her friends houses in a dressing gown and, occasionally, a towel. And I regularly hear the mother shouting at their seven-year-old daughter during the summer months, usually, “PUT SOME DAMN CLOTHES ON!” I think it all stems from the dad. Not that I’m saying there’s anything wrong with a 45-year-old man shouting at workmen in his underpants, but… you know, it’s not what I’d like to be doing at that age. I’d like to imagine I’ve won the lottery and own a beach hut in Palau where I spend my days making love to beautiful women and my nights sipping Mai Tais. What? As I always say, if one’s dreams are realistic, there’s no point in having them…

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