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Welcome to My Nirvana of Spreadsheets

Here’s the story of cheese, Christmas, and whatever the hell a centimetre is.

Merry Christmas, one and all! What? It’s only 66 days away. That’s one day on Mercury. It’s lucky you’re not on Mercury, then. Gee, it would be difficult getting anything done there, wouldn’t it? “Well, I’m off to bed.” Ten minutes later. “Oh, morning already?” Yup. It’s time to start thinking about all the money you’ve earned this year and the exact lowest percentage of that salary you get can away with spending on the world’s largest family. Right now, I’m at about 5% but it’s hardly my fault my great-granddad had 12 kids, and my granddad had another 12, and each of them has had between three and eight kids. And each of them has had at least five. And some of them have had kids. And they’re all lovely. Mostly. I think 5% isn’t too shabby, all things considered. Sure, Christmas isn’t meant to be about mathematics, equations and logic, but I very much am about those things, so it’s time to break out the spreadsheets. It’s one my favourite things about Christmas. Spreadsheets. Ah. The real spirit of Christmas, one could argue…