The Fluffy Archnemesis of Doom
Here’s the story of Billy Joel, malicious dogs, and a universe gnawing at my soul.
I saw a pigeon get run over this week. Terribly sad, of course, but in many ways, right about now, I feel just like that pigeon. For you see, the universe is throwing dogs at me and I mean that rather literally. And if you don’t know much about me, I have a PATHOLOGICAL fear of dogs. And mother and father, whom I live with, are very well aware of this. If you went to bed naked and woke up with the world’s largest and most poisonous spider crawling all over your nether-regions, that’s about 30% of my fear of dogs. I will run a mile if a dog comes anywhere near me. So why then, do tell, did mother think it was a good idea to offer to look after the neighbour’s dog for TWO WEEKS! I have spent the best part of that time dodging the darn thing, being chased and not in a nice way by that darn thing, and being barked at constantly by it. It is driving me nuts! I can’t breathe – I’m constantly shaking and I can’t get any sleep because I’m fearful I will wake up with it gnawing my foot off. Honestly, the second day we had it, I was frazzled. And on my way to work, THREE MORE BLOODY DOGS on the bus! It’s like the universe is taunting me by throwing dogs at me, around the bloody clock. Not to mention how stressful work has been lately. I’m really starting to wonder if the stress or the dog will kill me first, or if, knowing my luck, they conspire to see the end of me AT work with some kind of dog related mishap…