Confusional arousal isn’t when you find yourself attracted to your cousin. No, it’s a peculiar occurrence that takes place when you’re conscious but haven’t woken up yet. Your brain fails to shift from sleep to awake, otherwise known as ‘sleep drunkenness’. You act confused, appearing drunk, but you’re not. You wander around, say strange things and give blunt answers when someone talks to you. Although you could argue that’s me on a normal day…
Sleep drunkenness can range from a few minutes to an hour, impacting people of all ages, from kids to adults. Like being ‘regular’ drunk. I’d assume as I’ve never given booze to a child. What do you take me for? French?
Have you ever experienced being sleep-drunk? Those around you might have found your unusual state quite amusing. Believe it or not, the effects are like being drunk… drunk. Going without sleep for large periods is equal to a blood alcohol level of 0.1 per cent. Higher than the legal drink-drive limit of 0.08 per cent.
So, in a way, you might as well be drunk.
In other words, you’re not getting enough sleep. Adults need to get at least seven hours of good sleep every night. And it’s becoming quite a concern for me. You see, I rely on a sleep tracker and it’s showing I’ve spent an average of eight hours in bed each night over the past month.
The issue lies in the fact that I’m only managing to get four hours of actual sleep. This has contributed to the alarming number of migraines I’ve had this year.
One’s brain doesn’t work very well when it’s sleep-deprived. Although, once more, you could argue mine never works anyway…
No More Beddy-Byes for the Sleep Goon
We fill our lives with responsibilities like work, family and chores. You could say the last two are the same. Ahem. It leaves little time for rest. But to juggle everything, we tend to skimp on the beddy-byes. But sleep is important, both for our mental and physical health. This isn’t news.
So why don’t we prioritise sleep?
It’s essential to feel refreshed every day. That’s why feeling exhausted hinders you. Some quality shut-eye enhances your cognitive abilities. And sharpens your reflexes and boosts your concentration levels. It is crucial for your health. But I can’t seem to catch any Z’s.
So how do you get some of that sweet, sweet snooze?
1. Turn Off the Goddamn Phone!
Most of us spend our bedtime engrossed in our screens. Whether it’s texting or scrolling through social media. And I get it. Sleepy puppy videos are adorbs. It may seem like a great way to relax, but guess what?
It aint. Excessive screen time disrupts our sleep, making it difficult to get a good night’s sleep. The blue light from phones and tablets stops your brain from producing melatonin.
This is the magical chemical that aids us in falling asleep. So if you’re having trouble falling asleep, you should turn those damn devices off before you go to bed. You might already know this. But I ask how long before bed?
You’re going to say ’10 minutes’, aren’t you? Nope. What’s that? 30 minutes before bed? Nope. At LEAST one hour before bed. ONE HOUR! You need to allow your mind to unwind and do its magic!
2. The Dreaded Soak
Why not indulge in a soothing, warm bath before slipping into your cosy bed? Well, because baths suck, right? Yeah, I agree. A shower might do the trick, though. The warm water works wonders in relaxing your muscles and preparing your body and mind for a good night’s sleep.
And if you’re after an extra touch of luxury, consider lavender. We know lavender helps us sleep better. Whether it’s a few drops in the bath or a nice cup of lavender tea. Green teas have all manner of health benefits.
Ginger, for example, makes you horny as hell…
3. Sleep Right, Sleep Tight
To improve your sleep, you must have a consistent bedtime. Even though you’re not a little boy anymore. By going to bed at the same time each night, your body learns to recognise when it’s time to sleep.
It’s also important to create a good environment. It might be quiet, dark and at a comfortable temperature. Like the porridge, not too hot nor too cold. Also, quit the music. It overstimulates your brain. A sound machine, sure. But no to music!
Don’t hesitate to embrace the power of minimalism. It’s easy to think that the key to comfort is blankets and a plush mattress with lots of foam toppers. But simplicity is best.
It also makes the hell of getting out of bed in the morning a hell of a lot easier.
4. Don’t Stimulate Me!
It’s best to steer clear of indulging in heavy meals or drinking booze or caffeine before hitting the hay. When these things stimulate your body, it’s quite challenging to achieve a good night’s sleep.
Think about it, right. If you indulge in a feast best described as ‘medieval’, your body is digesting all that delicious food. Experts suggest waiting three hours after your last meal before snuggling up in bed.
And sorry, hot chocolate fans, that counts as food…
5. Get Up, Man!
When you find yourself unable to sleep, lying in bed makes things more stressful. Instead, consider getting up and doing something. How about sipping on a comforting cup of warm milk? We know it releases sleep hormones into your brain. Or you could tuck into a captivating book?
And if that doesn’t do the trick, a simple walk to the bathroom for a refreshing glass of water does wonders. Did you know that one in three people in Britain suffers from insomnia at some point in their lives?
If, like me, you are one of them, rest assured you are not alone in this struggle. It’s not like going for a walk in the country alone and you get your foot stuck in a cattlegrid. Not that that’s ever happened to me, of course…
The Joy of Sweet, Sweet Snooze
Ever find yourself lying in bed thinking, ‘Why can’t I sleep?’
Sleep has become a precious commodity. We love it and need it, but rarely get enough of it. You’re not the only one struggling with poor sleep. But there are steps you can take to improve your sleep.
Cut down on your screen time to give your eyes a break. Treat yourself to a luxurious, relaxing bath. Create a good environment to ensure you get a restful night’s sleep. Steer clear of activities that overstimulate your senses. And remember to get up and get moving to keep your body active and energised.
If you find it difficult to sleep, wake up feeling tired, or rely on caffeine to jumpstart your day, you’re not the only one.
But being part of the majority doesn’t mean you should feel at ease.
If you wake up feeling drunk, that’s not a good thing. So do something about it! So you can hit the hay and relish in your dreams. All mine involve hot pants…
“Laugh and the world laughs with you; snore and you sleep alone.”
– Anthony Burgess (novelist and critic).
Peace Out :|:
Post DCLXXII: What do you do to get to sleep, reader?
The Indelible Life of Me 
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