Hello, friends. You can call me Ally. I am 27 years of age and I live in a largish town in the northeast of England. I know you’re dying to know more about me, but, really, I spend my time doing as little as possible. So consumed by my social anxiety, logic, and the never ending quest for the perfect bacon sandwich, there’s little room for much else in this little existence of mine…
I do enjoy my photography, must be said, but mostly, I try my hardest to flicker away each second waiting for the glorious day I shuffle this mortal coil and end up being dumped in the nearest landfill. With my largely bacon only diet… I’m actually surprised I’ve made it this far.
Apart from blanking out the screams of my ever increasingly blocked arteries, I don’t do much else. I love my photography. I have a weird obsession with Excel spreadsheets, including one particularly dark chapter in my life when I built my own searchable thesaurus that I’ve never used since. I love stuffing as much food as humanly possible into my mouth. Oh, and I also enjoy vacuuming. I’m left handed, with some things, like writing, and right handed with other things, like guitar, and right handed with some things but left handed with others depending on the situation. I can only cut with a knife in my right hand but can only butter with a knife in my left hand. I’m a bit odd like that. Oh, and of course, I’ve never had a girlfriend, but if you’re in the Teesside area and are incredibly desperate and have lost the will to live, give me a call. It’s 10 seconds you won’t regret. For very long…
I attended a secondary school for five years. Spent most of it rebelling and flunking. I did get an A in art, though. I then went to college. I flunked most of that, too. Did get an A-level in art. I then tried to get into university, at which point it probably comes as no surprise to learn I didn’t get in. I did go to another college and got a BTEC National Diploma in… yes, art again. I’ve done nothing with these grades and since, have spent six odd years on unemployment benefits. I’ve also never had a friend. So if you’re in the Teesside area and you’re looking to make friends with the biggest arsehole with the biggest dose of OCD you’ve ever encountered (seriously, I like my coasters equal distances from the edge of the table), do get in touch.
What do I look like? Hmm. Sorta John Lennon crossed with a rich hobo. Around 10 stone in weight and of Italian-Irish decent, so… I do look a bit like a very pasty Italian. My most prized feature is my long hair, brushed over the top of my head. It is famed for its pearly lustre, the rainbow of shades of brown it’s made up of, and its gnarly bounce. As you can tell, my hair is close to my heart. Almost as much as the tidal wave of fat…
I would like to point out that I am a man. MALE! This is because of some confusion that crops up now and again, not just online, but also in my day to day life. I’m fairly certain I don’t look like a woman. I’ve never worn make up before or a dress, so I can’t be completely certain.
I also can’t swim or ride a bike. It’s not relevant, but it’s cropped up rather a lot over the years, for some reason…
So why have I created this blog? When I was younger, I was a lot more confident than I am now. I had a few close friends and did the things close friends do. Except the drinking and drugs and cigarettes, I’ve never done any of that. Or playing doctor. I still have no idea what a woman’s got down there. Hmm. Anywho, today the story is much different. I have become a hermit, introverted, social anxiety ridden… moron. I do spend all my time alone trying to keep myself busy.
Despite this apparent loneliness, I’m actually quite happy. I have my health, albeit probably not for long, what with all the bacon and what I’m fairly certain are my seventh pair of knees. I have my family. My stories. My beloved photography. My precious blogs. My gorgeous hometown. And, most of all, I have a head full of ideas, thoughts and a certain surrealist joy that I am incapable of expressing because, after more than a decade of social woes, my introversion has become insurmountable. But only in reality. In the virtual world, writing online about my life, ideas and thoughts enables me to share with the world my thoughts and often accident prone life, in a way I am not able to otherwise do. This blog is an outlet for the extrovert that will always be buried deep inside of me.
I started out with the aim to convince just one person that I was capable of humour, expression and extroversion, things I am unable to be and do in the real world. Things I’ve been told my whole life I’m incapable of and have been bullied for. It’s been a long time since I started this shindig, and, as person after person has told me, I achieved this aim. But I’m not going to stop.
I enjoy doing this blog and it remains important for me to show others that shy people are capable of anything and, indeed, that anyone, regardless of who they are, is capable of anything. Most importantly, I want to show that no book, shy or otherwise, should ever be judged on face value. We are all equal and we should strive to view and treat one another that way. I started doing this to prove to myself that shyness will never be a barrier for me or indeed anyone, and indeed, that’s still what I’m doing.
If you wish to leave a comment, leave one below. If you’d like to send me a private, personal message, head to the ‘Contact Me’ page and I’ll get the message as an email. If you want me to contact you back, you’ll need to put your email address in the message.
Thank you for reading.