The Smoke Monster of Yorkshire


Here’s the story of rockets, mystery, and a bloody waterfall.

It’s not often you see a major rocket launch in Yorkshire. It was even more of a surprise considering they didn’t even tell us about it. But there it was, clear as day. A huge column of white smoking rising dramatically from the land below. Considering the day and age we live in, one, naturally, immediately craps oneself. I mean, who’d want to attack Yorkshire? We literally could not be any less of a threat. What was most concerning is that I saw this column of smoke in a built up area full of grand Victorian houses with very old people living in them. And yet there was nothing on the news or on social media about all this. Nothing at all. That said, I don’t fancy Yorkshires chances in the event of a nuclear war. “I was born on this street, I’ve never left it and no impending doom will change my mind!” Of course, you could entice a Yorkshireman away from his abode by taking his tea supplies away, but if you did that, trust me, you’d have a better chance of survival if left to the mercy of the bomb…

I’m certainly not seeing things. Several people on the bus commented on the unusual sighting. A sheer vertical column of thick white smoke that was rising fast. So it wasn’t an attack, it was a launch. In a conservation area! Jesus, you need planning permission to paint your front door! How the heck do you get permission for a bomb!

Which led me to think it was retaliation. But there was no evidence of that. So maybe it was a preventative measure. I mean, I don’t know what would drive old people to launch a rocket, but there we are.

The column got bigger and bigger. Hundreds of yards tall. It could be seen for miles around. And then, suddenly, it faded into two thin white streams, like those you see coming from a plane. But it was still rising vertically, this smoke. And then I saw something. A little black dot at the top of the smoke column. It was clearly not a passenger airliner and surely a rocket would be quite loud. I mean, I’ve never heard a rocket launch before but I presume they’re quite loud. Or maybe I did hear one and it was so loud I was deafened by it and the shockwaves… made me lose my memories. It’s not the most scientifically sound theory, I’ll admit, but it’s a theory nonetheless…

Whatever it was, it was soon heading back to Earth. No explosions or anything. The object seemed larger coming back down but maybe that’s because, by that point, it was no longer surrounded by something that looked like the Smoke Monster from Lost.

This new object, or the same, or maybe something else, came down at an angle and was definitely triangle shaped. I’m not going mad, people! Everyone on the bus saw it! In broad daylight! You can ask them if you don’t believe me. You can ring them. Go on. And just because they may not answer doesn’t mean it’s not true. They could be in the tub. Or out shopping. Or… Oh, no. Maybe… No! What if all this was the work of the government and they’ve had all the witnesses whacked? It’s certainly a good theory, especially if these words start melting off your screen…

Of course, the ultimate proof of this new theory of mine is that this government plan failed. I mean, that’s entirely believable…

Come on, who would believe anyone who said they saw a rocket launch in the most unusual of locations? It’s the age-old problem of believability. If your bestest pal in the whole wide world told you they had an alien encounter, you simply wouldn’t believe them. Even if they were teetotal. The most honest person you’ve ever met. A wonderful and decent human being. You still wouldn’t believe them, would you? I sure wouldn’t.

“Oh, shut up, you silly old plank…”

I bet we have been visited by aliens. Purely because it’s the most unbelievable thing imaginable. Just like the rocket launch. That only I seem to have noticed. Well, me and the not at all mysterious missing bus passengers…

I guess there is one final theory though, readers. That area, where I saw the smoke, does have a college. But I don’t know what colleges are like in other countries, but in this one, we don’t launch anything from anywhere. Our schools, our colleges and our universities are boring. They don’t do rocket launches! They don’t do fun things with you. Mind never bothered to teach me maths, or how to swim. And they really don’t take you abroad for trips. Never at all. Instead, they take you to the local waterfall and the local condom infested beach…

I still haven’t forgiven them for taking me to that bloody waterfall.

“A waterfall? But miss, I can’t swim. What if I fall in?”

“Meh, you’ll be fine…”

Beautiful country :)

The major problem I have with this college theory, however, is that it’s an art college. Exclusively. What kind of artist makes bombs? The only one I can think of is Damien Hirst. BOOM! Thank you, I’m here all week…

But maybe, just maybe, I’m over thinking all this. Perhaps one shouldn’t worry. Maybe it’s probably nothing.

Or is it?


British writer and physician, Sir Arthur Doyle (1859-1930), once wrote: ‘The world is full of obvious things which nobody by any chance ever observes.’

Peace Out :|:

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this post. You can leave a comment and/or like this post below, or by clicking the title on the top of this post if you are on the ‘Archives’ page. Likes and follows greatly appreciated. Thanks.

Please feel free check out the latest posts from my other two blogs:

To Contrive & Jive
New Posts Every Sunday, Tuesday and Thursday
Click Here to Read the Latest Post

Hark Around the Words
New Post Every Sunday
Click Here to Read the Latest Post


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