The Crazy World of Television Licensing in Sweden

Post CXCVII

Here’s the story of mini-stories, randomness, and Sophie’s Choice.

Galactooligosaccharide. I didn’t have an idea for a blog post this week so I decided to use the ‘random page’ function of Wikipedia to get the juices flowing. Galactooligosaccharide. That was, quite literally, the first article that came up. I was hoping for something a bit better, if I’m being honest. How can I talk about a word I can’t even pronounce? Galactooligosaccharide. Sounds like something Kirk would shout after he’s been shot. You know, in Shatner’s usual indomitable style. I can’t see Picard shouting that. Hmm, I suppose I could use Wikipedia’s random page function again to see if it comes up with something Picard would shout. Let me see. Oh, here we go. ‘Downtown St. John’s’. Oh, well, maybe he was going senile…

St. John’s was in Canada. Still is, as far as I know. I mean, maybe I have Canadian readers who can verify that. It has the oldest street in North America. Ooh, and it’s where Guglielmo Marconi received the first transatlantic wireless message. I could use Google to find out what he said or I could use Wikipedia’s random page function once more. Hmm, that’s like Sophie’s Choice, isn’t it? Whatever that was.

‘Electrical Power Sources for the Electrocution and Extinction of the Human Race’.

Not quite was Marconi was expecting…

I don’t know why I don’t use this random page function more often. ‘Work abroad’, it just came up with. It’s now giving me life advice! Work abroad? Well, people make life-altering decisions based on their Horoscopes, so why shouldn’t I make mine based on what Wikipedia tells me? You know, apart from the fact it is quite literally insane. No, you know what, where should I go to Wikipedia?

Ooh, Ursoiu River in Romania. Oh, I was hoping for somewhere sunny. Never mind, make the best of a bad situation and all. And, pray tell, what will my job be? ‘Alina Rotaru’. Oh, it doesn’t always work. Well, maybe she will be my trainer in my chosen line of work. What did she do? ‘Long jumper’, born in… Romania! Get out! Ha! Oh, this is brilliant! What a coincidence! Wikipedia wants me to travel to Romania to be a long jumper!

What else does Wikipedia see for me?

‘Shredded Corpse’.

Oh. I know it’s a band, but that’s a bit ominous. Especially when the next random article I just clicked on is ‘continuous mandatory ventilation’. Gee, I daren’t click on the next one just in case it’s ‘wood chipper’. But it is tempting. Ooh, I can’t resist…

‘Television licensing in Sweden’.

Well, that’s a relief.

I did consider going for a walk to come up with a blog post idea but it’s basically a monsoon outside and to be honest, I don’t like being wet. So I tried opening the window instead, which sounded like a good idea at the time, but I’m now very cold and even more brain dead than when I started.

I also contemplated talking about Easter coming up because mother doesn’t like chocolate so I didn’t know what to get her. You can’t buy somebody the same present two occasions in a row, can you? I got her a voucher at Christmas for her favourite store, then for her birthday two weeks later I got her another voucher for her favourite store and then for Mother’s Day a couple weeks later I bought her some chocolates. Before father shouted at me saying she doesn’t like them, something I didn’t know and something I thought shouldn’t matter because IT’S THE BLOODY THOUGHT THAT COUNTS! “Why didn’t you get her a voucher?” SHE HASN’T EVEN USED THE LAST TWO, YET! I can’t remember the last time she bought anything for herself that cost more than £30 yet she has £50 worth of vouchers! Ridiculous…

I could’ve bought her flowers but I don’t have a credit or debit card, and I couldn’t have brought them home because she’d have seen them. And dad wouldn’t let me borrow his credit card. It was a disaster. Dad and I eventually reached a compromise. He bought her some flowers for me that I gave to mum and then I gave him the money. It’s not my fault I don’t have a credit or debit card. The bank says I can’t have one but won’t tell me why. Very strange. Of course, this whole mini-story within a story isn’t particularly happy and Easter is meant to be a happy occasion. So I decided not to depress you with this mini-story. Which I realise I probably have just done…

Whoops.

I also contemplated talking about the clocks going forward one hour this week across the UK. But that’s not a very happy story, either, because I’M PISSED OFF! One hour I’ve lost! I haven’t gone a single day since the clocks changed without drifting off to sleep at least once during the day. I can’t stop yawning – I’m so confused. I spent TWO HOURS trying to change my wristwatch! TWO! If it was one hour, fair enough, because in a couple months I’ll get that time back. BUT IT WAS TWO!

You have to look up the code number online, which is underneath the back of the watch face and the strap, but it doesn’t come off. So you have to pull the strap up to try to read the number etched into the metal. But it’s right in the middle! And you can only lift the strap up a third of an inch, if that. So there I was, in my room, huddled over a lamp with my face buried in a watch, crying and whimpering. “WHERE ARE YOU, YOU LITTLE BASTARD – WHY ARE YOU CONSUMING MY PRECIOUS FLEETING MOMENTS ON THIS GODFORSAKEN ROCK!”

I did eventually find the code but then I couldn’t alter the watch. It’s one of these really complicated ones. You have to press one button for 30 seconds until you hear three beeps at five second intervals, then, whilst holding it down, you must press another button six times. Then, whilst holding that down, you must press a third button until you get the right time. You then must press the fourth button twice until you hear two beeps at three second intervals to ‘exit’ this whole thing. But then you have to alter the analogue time. Needless to say, by that point, I was at the end of my tether and was seriously considering finding the boss of the company that made it and shoving it where the Sun doesn’t shine…

But then I realised this mini-story within a story may be too depressing as well, so I decided not to bother telling it. Oh, wait. Drat…

Now I’ve arrived at the point of the complete mess that is this blog post where it’s probably best I stop wasting your time and try to find a finish to this hideous creation. I wonder how I could do that? Aha! Wikipedia, don’t fail me now. Whaddya got for me?

‘Doody’.

Seriously? Yes? Ha! Get in! That’s brilliant! That’ll do! That will do!

See ya next week…

American writer and entrepreneur, Benedict Casnocha (b. 1988), once said, “Expose yourself to as much randomness as possible.”

Peace Out :|:


I’d love to hear your thoughts on this post. You can leave a comment and/or like this post below, or by clicking the title on the top of this post if you are on the archives page. Likes and follows greatly appreciated. Thanks.


Please feel free check out the latest posts from my other two blogs:

To Contrive & Jive
New Posts Every Monday, Wednesday and Friday
Click Here to Read the Latest Post

Hark Around the Words
New Posts Every Monday, Wednesday and Friday
Click Here to Read the Latest Post


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