The Bewilderment of the Crazy Shirtless Loon


Here’s the story of extroversion, society, and girls.

I don’t know why I was the only one staring at the shirtless nutter. He just ran by me and nobody batted an eyelid. What world are we living in whereby somebody running through a major town centre, shirtless and clearly on drugs, is not even worth a cursory glance? Are we that accepting of craziness? If we acknowledge the premise that that is normal behaviour these days, then we must acknowledge the premise that me looking at him with a stare of bewilderment, is crazier than what he was doing. Heck, more people were looking at me! Following this line of logic, if I walked down the street completely naked, I should, theoretically, become invisible. Ooh, my, that sure would be nippy in the delicate areas…

A sense of location would be helpful, here. This isn’t California. It’s not packed to the brim with jobless, high, shirtless hippies, who call everyone ‘dude’ and surf, and after a good days surfing, say things like,  “Dude, that was totally radical.” Here, we have a different culture. Here, the only time we use the word ‘radical’ is when we’re referring to terrorists we can’t seem to deport successfully.

This is the North East of England. Bordered by one of the roughest seas on Earth. It’s rarely warm here. When it is warm, it’s really warm, but it’s very rarely really warm. Being October, it’s really quite cold. It’s not the type of cold where your nipples stand on end, it’s the type of cold where your nipples spring to attention so fast they fly off. And here was a young man, very ripped, shirtless, in October, a few miles from the North Sea. You would want to question his sanity, but he was with two girls, so, you know, draw your own conclusions. The girls, incidentally, weren’t topless. Which I’m very glad about, because if I was disappointed that they weren’t topless, it would only serve to perpetuate the endless cycle of sexism that women wrongly and unfairly must endure on a daily basis. That said…

I can only presume he was doing it for Halloween as he did have some white face makeup on. That said, he could have just had a mental breakdown, it was hard to tell. He was also swearing quite a lot, and running – I remember him running. I don’t know much about Halloween, but I can’t recall the Halloween tale of the shirtless madman. At least his two friends were dressed up as a scarecrow and a ghost. He just clearly wasn’t trying…

He must have been around 20. That’s too old to be dressing up for Halloween. I do know that quite a few nightclubs in the town have Halloween night where you get in free if you dress up. Like a moron. Maybe I am the crazy one. Maybe this is the world we now live in. It wasn’t like this for the Victorians. Halloween for them was some weird occult thing going on in the background. I miss the Victorians, because they were right. Halloween is completely pointless and I hate it.

Everyone takes leave of their senses. It’s like that episode of Star Trek, where everyone goes crazy at midday. It’s not logical! “It’s fun!” People say to me. “Lighten up!” Excuse me? I know of many murderers that claim utter joy at killing someone. I know of many children that claim utter joy at trick or treating. These two things are obviously identical. An action that leads to pleasure. There are many actions that lead to pleasure. Some like trick or treating, some like painting, some like murdering people – it’s all the same! The thing all three have in common is that I have a choice not to be subjected to them. But when it comes to Halloween, oh no, I have no choice! I have to witness nutjobs running bare-chested whilst I’m trying to have a nice walk! Swearing and clearly high! That’s not right! If he wants to do that, he should not do it in public! And the worst part is that the girls love him!

Why do girls like dicks? I could’ve worded that better. Ahem. I try to be so nice and every girl would rather go for that shirtless loon. Imagine a life with him. You’d probably end that life in a field in a crashed car. He won’t treat you nice. He just wants you for sex and as a trophy. The reckless, uninhibited and clearly demented in our society are not capable of love. But all girls are drawn to them. And it makes no sense.

Is it the spirit of adventure? You don’t know where he’s gonna take you next! It’s all exciting and fun! So’s crochet! Do that, instead! The shirtless nincompoops among us must stopped. And Halloween is their Christmas. God only knows what they’re like at Christmas…

People could very well say that it’s only one day a year, and that’s true. But humanity should not have to tolerate any tomfoolery for even a millisecond. He ruined my walk! He offended many older people waiting for buses. One old dear had her hand over her heart she was so frightened. You just can’t be a dick! “Ah, what you going on about, just having a bit of fun, stop being such a tight arse, have a laugh, get with life! Fun! ECSTASY! Life is for living – grab it by the balls and drag it into a million crazy adventures every second of every day!” NO! No, no, no, no, no! If you want to be like that, then so be it, throw your life away, but you have no right to subject others to it, and being an utter moron in public, is subjecting others to it. People like that, when they get old, always look back on those days with massive regret. And that’s if they make it to old age. Life is a cruise, not a sprint.

I’m not for one second suggesting this guy and his girls, who clearly are just as nuts as he is for following him like obedient disciples, shouldn’t be allowed to live that life, I’m just saying he stepped over a line. I may hate Halloween, but I respect people’s right to enjoy it. Just tone it down. Good gravy…

And this brings me back to my original point. Why bother complaining? Nobody was looking at him. We’ve accepted this as a society and we shouldn’t. We should shout and jeer at these people. Stare at them with menace. That’s the only way they’ll ever stop and the nice guys will get the girls for a change. It does beg the question, what else does society ignore? As I said earlier, I could probably walk down the street naked and I’d be invisible.

Although I wouldn’t like to try it…

French sociologist, philosopher, cultural theorist, political commentator and photographer, Jean Baudrillard (1929-2007), once said: “There is nothing funny about Halloween. This sarcastic festival reflects, rather, an infernal demand for revenge by children on the adult world.”

Peace Out :|:

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this post. You can leave a comment and/or like this post below, or by clicking the title on the top of this post if you are on the archives page. Likes and follows greatly appreciated. Thanks.

Please feel free check out the latest posts from my other two blogs:

To Contrive & Jive
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Hark Around the Words
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  1. I honestly don’t know what I just read…… That was insane…. The fact of the matter is, you are just as likely to see something like that anywhere. Living in New York, that’s is not as strange as the other oddities I have witnessed.

    • I’ve thrived on insanity for three and a half years… Wouldn’t still be doing this blog if it hadn’t received positive feedback. People don’t come here for a logical argument, they come here for the craziness.

      In any case, I feel my point remains valid. This behaviour is unacceptable. I have only ever seen it on Halloween. The post implies I’m referring solely to my town, I don’t know what goes on in other towns, especially in America. Might be common for you to see a shirtless young man swearing, high and offending everyone he comes across, but it certainly isn’t for most people. Although I have been to New York, so I can believe it would become a common sight if I lived there…

      This young man’s sole aim was to cause a ruckus, he did, and I believe that’s unacceptable.

      Honestly, my second blog is a million times more insane than this, but I wrote this immediately after it happened, pretty much, so I was much angrier and less cohesive than normal. I wouldn’t normally be like this but I didn’t have time to rewrite it like I normally would.

      Hope it doesn’t put you off coming back when I’m less pissed off…

  2. I can agree with you on that, this type of behavior is unacceptable. However, most of the high, swearing young men I see have shirts on.
    It doesn’t put me off at all, perhaps a little less pissed off will be equally interesting.

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