The Fan Dimension

Post LX

I got a label maker this week. A sort of late birthday present. That’s the kind of presents I get. I have this insatiable urge I shall call ‘labelitis’. Everyone gets it after getting a label maker. I want to put a label on everything. I was tempted to print one out that read ‘annoying’ and stick it on my neighbour’s front door. I was talked out of that.

I also got a standing fan. A big one. Legs and everything. I had to assemble it, which took quite a long time. Oh, it was so complicated. It was one of those times when you forget to put something on, something was missing, something was on the wrong way, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. It was a nightmare. I put the front cage on the wrong way round. My dad was insistent that I should correct the problem. I begged to differ. “What would the difference be?” I asked. My dad replied that the manufacturers name on the front part of the front cage would look stupid because it would be on upside down. “Well”, I said, “in that case I’d just put a label over it”. And I did.

Why is my neighbour annoying? She has a stereo. A very loud stereo. Annoyingly loud. The noise disturbance laws here in England are rather stupid. 100+ decibels of noise inside someone’s house is illegal. Outside, however? Oh, that’s fine. Perfectly legal. Even at three in the morning. Because it was outside. On the road. With their young children. Having a party. Which gave me a headache. We did ask them what they were celebrating and why the music was so loud. They said something to the effect of ‘it’s hot for a change and we want to enjoy it – deal with it’. Never mind her front door. I was tempted to put the label on her head.

Away from labels, I tried my hand at mowing this week. A lawn. Well, that was rather unnecessary information. I mean, what else could one mow? Think about all the time humanity could have saved by saying, “I’m going to mow” rather than “I’m going to mow the lawn”. Well, unless you have sheep, although even that has flaws. I’ve heard that phrase countless times. But don’t you shear a sheep? Hang on, have I made mow a sheep up? Hmm. Sorry, where was I?

I don’t like mowing. Grass, that is. And not because it’s murder of a living creature, man, but because it’s backbreaking work. Lugging that machine around. How I envy the Amish. What I could have done with was a canoodle of sheep. Yes, you’re right. I made that up. I actually have no idea what you call a group of sheep.

Of course, summer arrived this week here in the northeast of England. Blasted summer. Rain, rain, rain. That’s all we’ve had. Now heat, heat, heat. Mind bending heat. Sodding heat. I hate heat. I want my rain back. It was lovely. Nice and quiet. The patter of its drops on the windowsill, hauntingly beautiful. Now it’s different. Now I’m different. Hot, tired, hungry, sneezy, grumpy, larey and farty. They’re also my least favourite variations of the seven dwarves.

Of course, all this pales in comparison to what has been the pinnacle of my week. Yes, a true little miracle arrived. No, I’m not talking about that sandwich I managed to make without cutting myself for the first time in what feels like years. No, I’m talking about a little baby. For the first time, I became an uncle. An uncle to a beautiful baby boy.

I’m sure you’re not interested in the details, but I thought it was relevant. Because there’s a lesson to be learnt here. Despite annoying neighbours hell-bent for destruction of one’s eardrums, despite annoying assemblage, despite all this and all the hate in the world, there will always be something that’s capable of dispersing all of that misery. This week, for me, it was something so small yet so full of joy. A little seed of massive happiness that can never, ever, be extinguished. And that, my friend, is the only thing you cannot put a label on.

Although it won’t stop me from trying.

“A truly strong person does not need the approval of others any more than a lion needs the approval of sheep”, said spiritual teacher, author and philosopher Vernon Howard (1918-1992).

Peace Out :|:

Notice: The people who follow my second blog have already heard this, but it’s worth putting here, too. I’ve been fiddling with my blogs. All references to my three blogs have now been changed from sites to blogs. It’s also a last gasp attempt to drive some traffic toward my third blog, which is really struggling. I’ve also changed the headers to all three of my blogs. Hope you like the changes. There’s also an interesting hover feature added to my sidebar.

(I’d love to hear your thoughts on this post. To do so, you can leave a comment by pressing the bubble on the top right of this post and scroll to the bottom of the new page to where it says ‘leave a reply’. Likes and follows greatly appreciated. Thanks)


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