At Least All This Ends On a Happy Note.

Have you ever started an applause? It’s one of these great questions that most people answer ‘no’ to. This has always amazed me. Everyone I ask and the folks on the internet – not one of them has ever answered ‘yes’ to this question. From what I’ve deduced, the vast majority of people have never started an applause. Now, whilst this might not sound significant, I urge you to think about what it implies: there’s a small minority of clappers somewhere in the world. Their own little community. Finding it is my search for Atlantis. The Clap Community: The Itchiest Place on Earth.

Talking of clap, it was Valentine’s Day this week. The whole logic behind it is flawed, though, as is the logic behind every holiday. I can’t even call them ‘holidays’ anymore. The whole idea of the day is to shower the one you love in love and joy, surround them in your warmth and affection for them and be the best damn partner possible. Yes, wonderful idea. But it’s for a day. Isn’t the whole idea of Valentine’s Day the point of romance in general, or am I old fashioned? Has it gotten to the point now where a curry and a trip to see yet another Steven Segal picture at the movies will suffice? There’s no effort anymore. You used to call the one you love often, go around and see one another, go for walks, go to the beach, go to see decent movies, go for a meal at a restaurant. Now all that is left for Valentine’s Day, with the rest of the year spent Facebooking each other, eating takeaways, and avoiding walks because you’ll probably be robbed or stabbed, at least in this country. I see Valentine’s Day as a memory of a forgotten era.

And there’s another problem: what about the rest of us? I’ve never had a girlfriend or kissed a girl or ever got near one (that I didn’t have to blow up). In China, they have a Singles Day. It is celebrated on November 11 (yes, you’re getting an education this week), and it’s for those still living the single life. It’s popular on this day for you and your single mates to have dinner together, but to show independence, you each pay your own share. It is also a day to find someone or to say goodbye to the single life through various means such as becoming shackled in the jail of mar- I mean, bonded in the blessed joy of marriage. At breakfast, singles often eat four deep fried dough sticks (to represent the four ones in the date 11.11), and a steam stuffed bun (to represent the middle dot in the date and yes, I can confirm, it does look like a giant dot). They tried to sell this holiday here in the UK to supermarkets through ‘singles day cards’ on that god-awful Apprentice TV program. One of the supermarkets, the UK’s largest supermarket no less, said it was a useless idea because, and I quote, ‘who would want to send single people cards?’ That’s lovely, isn’t it. Really good job, Tesco.

I did nothing for Valentine’s Day because I don’t have anyone (sniff, sniff). Ah, it’s my own fault. I come across as some kind of loner, but that’s almost certainly because I am one. I’ve had chances to get into a relationship, but I always stop myself. I’ve always been like that, and when you make those decisions, you’re left with a really weird feeling inside. There’s a word for people who do the opposite of what’s normal or, more correctly, conventional. It has something to do with free will. I did ask the folks over as, but you know what they’re like. Honestly, it takes longer to get an answer out of them than it does to eat soup with chopsticks.

It’s not that I enjoy that awful feeling, but I hate change so much so that I do whatever I can to avoid it, even if it stops some kind of progression. When one is frozen in time like that, it leaves them a wreck. That’s my bubble of solitude and when somebody tries to get into it, it’s difficult for them to get through to me, and that’s a crying shame, because when Valentine’s Day comes around, I’m left eating a big bucket of ice cream like a teenage girl. Admittedly, I could probably do without the manicure.

I was thinking about the past this week, which I try not to do too often (doesn’t exist anyway). I thought about those that had offered to take me on nights out. Those girls who asked me out. Those chances I didn’t take because I feared the change. I always maintained that I could cope with the loneliness, but I think that word is moot. Nobody should be by themselves. We all need somebody. Anyone you see by themselves, anyone looking sad, anyone looking like they need a hug, for those who have no one or just feel that way, just say hello, be a human being and try to make someone happy. We shouldn’t have to live in a world where somebody, even one person, feels alone.

‘I feel that it is healthier to look out at the world through a window than through a mirror. Otherwise, all you see is yourself and whatever is behind you’, said the great Bill Withers.

Peace Out :|:


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